Guys, We Judge You by Your Ice Cream

Guys, We Judge You by Your Ice Cream

Written on 08/19/2020
Allie Brownlee


The start of a semester means it’s serious dating season again! To celebrate, I’m going to give the guys out there a little advice that might help them in that crazy dating world. 

Guys, We Judge You by Your Ice Cream

Now, you might think I’m crazy by saying this, but it's true. We might not mean to judge you, but think about it. On those first few dates, you’re on high alert for anything that might tell you a little more about a person and how much potential they have for you. Personal experience tells me going out for ice cream is a particularly common activity in the dating scene. Though personal grooming and conversation topics will surely play their evaluative role, you can bet your date will take notice of where you take them, what you order, and what that could possibly say about your long term dating potential. Girls overthink these things.

Where You Take Them

When considering location, you want to pick a place that portrays the best of who you are and what you’re like. For me, I’m generally looking for someone creative, intelligent, and thoughtful, who I won’t get bored with. Look for a place that mirrors those attributes; they reflect the best in you. Seeing it around you, you naturally display more of those attributes. Enter Sub Zero. They have literally billions of combinations. Creativity! They put the science right in front of you. Intelligence! They can cater to almost any allergy. Thoughtfulness! Time in line is spent discussing possibilities (conversation topics!) and they’re so fast that you spend most of your time actually getting to know each other. What a novel idea.

Now imagine you pick an ice cream place I’m bored with. It never has anything new, it seems rote and impersonal. You may think it’s “safe” because it’s where everyone takes their dates, but frankly I’ve been taken there three times in the last three weeks. There are no natural conversation topics that occur here, because you can only talk about what you’ll order off of a menu for so long. Boring. Un-inspiring. No creativity or intellect communicated. When you don’t have much to go off of, this counts for more than it should. First impressions, man.

What You Order

I had a roommate once whose favorite flavor was vanilla. Not French Vanilla, not Vanilla Bean, just. plain. vanilla. It still boggles my mind sometimes, though I have to admit, it fit her rather well. She was minimalistic and straight-forward, yet classic. So what impression do you want to give? At the boring parlor, you’re chained to their limited menu. Better hope they have exactly what will give the impression you want. Sub Zero rescues you here too. They have literally billions of possible combinations. You can let your creativity shine. I still recommend ordering according to how you want to come across, but even if you were to order plain vanilla with the most basic of basic everything, you could still win points. Just claim that you want to try ice cream in its freshest, purest state. You can’t go wrong. Want to sound well-educated on their sensations? Just read the online sensation reviews ahead of time.

Conversation Topics Say a Lot

There are tons of inherent conversation topics in the very store. "What’s the weirdest ice cream you can imagine? What do you think of the science of this? I hear they even do science presentations. Isn’t it cool that they can get air so cold that it condenses into a liquid that can freeze cream?" Are they interested in the science? In the art of it? In the math? (Exactly how many combinations ARE there?) No matter what interests them, there’s something to talk about, and no matter their dietary restrictions, there’s something for them! This can be super important in those early days when you might not know that they’re allergic to peanuts or they don't eat animal products. If they have dietary restrictions, you can take them to Sub Zero without fear! There’s something for everyone from allergies, to Keto, to Vegan. Win. Win. Win.

But Really

Now let’s emphasize the truth of this concept with my real-world experience. In my college town, there were essentially two ice cream date spots of mention, a Sub Zero, and that “classic” one. What I described above was truly my experience. Each one chose that other ice cream parlor and as soon as they did, they faded back into the crowd for me. All I remember is cringing and rolling my eyes inside each time. Actually, I do remember a couple of times tentatively suggesting Sub Zero after they had sweepingly announced where we were going (like it was some big surprise), but I was always shot down. They were so stuck on that idea that they wouldn’t listen to me, their date. I still don’t get it. Maybe they had a coupon. 

This pattern held so true that I began weeding through my prospects by working the ice cream date in reverse. I would take them to Sub Zero myself to test their creativity and ingenuity. If they loved it and rose to the occasion, they passed. If they still preferred the other shop, we didn’t have a second date. It was that simple. When my husband came along, I suggested Sub Zero for our third date thinking he had passed all tests so far, but would he pass the ice cream test? He pulled a Sub Zero punch card out of his wallet and declared it was his favorite ice cream shop. I’m pretty sure that’s how I knew it was meant to be. <3

 



Allie Brownlee considered herself a professional dater before her husband finally found her and used Sub Zero ice cream to convince her to marry him. When her cousin mentioned a job working at Sub Zero writing about ice cream she pretty much swooned with joy because she refuses to represent things she doesn’t love. She insists that her working for Sub Zero had no effect on the writing of this article because she actually wrote it before she was employed there because it was so true. It was originally titled, “What I Wish Guys Knew About First Dates” She just expanded and revamped it for more “official” publication.